Assalamualaikum..
It’s been a while since I last wrote in here. Should’ve posted everyday about what’s been happening, but I guess I’m just too lazy 😅
On the 27th of September this year, I sent a message in regards to a post in Reddit about this one guy wanting to make new friends. He’s from Canada but he’s actually Mexican. He migrated to Ontario when he was 10. He immediately replied back and things been wonderful ever since. He’s a very nice guy and we’ve been talking nonstop every single day. I mean, we do have that 12-13 hours difference between us but it’s actually quite convenient because when I’m working during the day, he’s asleep and vice versa. So we don’t really disturb each other during work. We even had movie dates before; streaming Netflix via Discord.
However, these past few weeks has been a bit strange. He’s been calling me sweetie and I’ve been referring to him as honey, because I’m starting to like him as more than an online friend. And I thought he’s been feeling the same way. But yesterday he told me that he’s been talking to this one other girl (she’s in Canada as well but not in Ontario), and he said that he wanted to ask her out when she’s coming to Ontario in a few weeks from now. Not gonna lie, it really hurts me inside but luckily we’re so far apart that he can’t see it.
I mean, I should’ve known better that it’s never gonna happen; me and him. We have too many differences and sooner or later, he’s gonna get bored. I know he will. That’s what always happens whenever I’m attempting to get to know a person that I’m attracted to.
A part of me really believes that I need to truly love myself first before I could love someone else. But every time I look in the mirror, I often hate what I see. I know it’s a bad thing to downgrade myself constantly but I can’t seemed to help myself. I do think that my journey to self-love is going to take a while. I really really really need to love myself and accept me for who I am deep inside. Only then I’m capable of being in love with someone else. Wish me luck!
XO