Pensiveness.

 Assalamualaikum..

Hello, it's me again. Hahaha obviously it's gonna be me since this is my personal blog LOL! Just wanna write a few things about what's been happening these couple of weeks.

About the update on Mr. R the other day, well I think it is safe to say that the ship has sailed away, without any proper goodbye. I mean, I should have seen it coming, right? Because all of it was too good to be real. Most probably he was just bored at the time and I happened to cross his path. Silly me, because I should have never formed an attachment to a perfect stranger. Yeah, lesson learned indeed!

So for now, I wanna focus more on my work and improving myself. If I happen to come across a potential candidate, then I'm just gonna take it slow and steady. No more expectations on whether it's gonna work out in the end or not. No longer gonna bother myself with all that. And that's the way it should be in the first place.

I mean, being selfish for the sake of my own mental health is better than torturing myself with unnecessary dramas. I did cry a bit last night because I was pitying myself for being so gullible and naïve. But no more. I wanna start living for the sake of me.

I hope I can get through it and succeed. I can get distracted easily and look where it got me so far. Gonna learn self-restraint and start loving myself. InshaAllah the right person will come, it's only a matter of time. Until then, just gonna stay fabulous and do what works for me.

XO

Expectations.

 Assalamualaikum…

Hello, it’s me again. I know I’ve said that I’d be updating my blog entries every 2-3 days a week but apparently I couldn’t keep up with it 😅 However, today’s post is not really about the updates on my crochet projects. Rather, it’s about wanting to pour my heart out. So please bear with me, okay?

Recently I’ve started chatting with this one foreign guy. Let’s call him Mr. R. I knew him from a chatting site that I sometimes frequent (yes, I like chatting with random strangers when the mood strikes). He was a bit different from other guys because he had never asked me about dirty, perverted stuff. He even respected the fact that I’m a Muslim (he’s Catholic but started learning earnestly about Islam, Alhamdulillah). He said that he was questioning about God’s existence when he was 17 and found that Islam is the only religion that seems to have all the answers to his questions.

I was impressed by his effort to learn more about Islam (hopefully it’s true). So we continued our conversations on another, more secured platform. To be honest, I was quite attracted to his personality shown from the way he’s talking to me. I felt really comfortable expressing my thoughts and feelings to him about anything, really.

However, he’s quite busy with studies and work to have a chat with me these past few days (he’s a fourth year law student, interning at one of a law firm in New Jersey). I totally understand that because that’s his priorities in life, even before he met me. But somehow I feel a bit sad since I really like talking to him, despite him being 9 years younger than I am 😱

Two days ago, he contacted me saying that he was so sorry for not being able to chat with me due to his very busy schedules. I was so happy to hear from him again and accidentally burst out saying exactly what I really felt at the time 😳 I thought he would slowly backed away in awkwardness but nooo, turns out he said he felt the same way about me.

I was like, wow this kind of thing never really happened to me before. It seemed too good to be true, and frankly I wished it was true. So we continued being open and honest about our feelings and stuff. But me being an emotional overthinker, there’s this nagging feeling saying that I should not be so blatantly honest with him. I mean, people can say and be whatever they want online.

So, I started having doubts about him a bit. I still send him messages and all but he hasn’t replied yet. But I left him long messages saying I was glad I met him, thanking him for being a good friend and all. Hopefully he will read them soon. It’s kinda sad if he turns out to be fake though. I mean, I felt good conversing with him and it felt like I can trust him.

Here’s hoping that he will reply back to me asap. I don’t want this good vibe between us to die because of a vicious lie being told by a perfect stranger. Oh well, guess I have to wait then 😐

XO

Crocheting.

Assalamualaikum..

It’s been a long while since I last wrote in here. InshaAllah I will try to update my blog once a day or once every 3-4 days. It’s not like I’m super busy with my work/personal life, more like I tend to forget to write down some important stuff that’s happening.

So yeah, hopefully starting with today’s post, I can continuously write my thoughts in here. Here it goes..

As for today, I’d like to write about the things that I’m currently into. You can actually guessed it from the title hahaha. Yup, I’ve rekindled my passion in crochet. I used to love doing crochet, making beanie hats for my nieces and nephews, and scarves for my mom. But now I’m trying my hands on making cardigans and drawstring bags.

I just followed the tutorials that I’ve found on the web. 

For the drawstring bag, I followed Melanie Ham’s tutorial on her blog: Drawstring Crochet Bag Pattern - Star Stitch

This is my very first still-in-progress drawstring bag; yellow and khaki in colour

For the Harry Styles cardigan, I followed Elviona Halim’s tutorial on her Youtube channel: Crochet Patchwork Cardigan | Harry Styles cardigan inspired

This is the start of the cardigan that I’m attempting to make: Harry Styles cardigan

I guess that's all for today's entry. I'll try and make a new post tomorrow about other things. As for the progress of both crochet projects, I'll be sure to update them in here soon InshaAllah. All the best to me!

XO