Melancholy.

Assalamualaikum..

Oh my it's been so long since my last post here. So many things happened and I just don't know where to begin.

Okay, first of all, we are now under Movement Control Order (MCO), which means that everyone must stay at home except to buy food/groceries. And only 1 person can go out to buy them for each households. The reason is because the whole world right now is experiencing the COVID-19 pandemic. So it's been a month since I last go to work, physically anyway. I still need to work from home, arranging online classes for my students and whatnot.

As for my "so-called" love life, things are progressing quite slowly. And up to this point, I no longer care anymore. If he wants me, then he will definitely take the next step, right? I'm quite tired actually, and it's not like I can force him to do something that he doesn't want to do, right? So yeah, if he truly sees me as his future partner, then he's got to make the first move. All I can do now is wait patiently.

What else? Oh! I've decided not to rant on Twitter starting today. I even deleted the app from my phone. It's not like I have anything important in there anyway. And besides, people who are close to me has my number, so they can contact me via text message/phone call. And that's all that matters. I will no longer tweet something, because I can always pour my heart out here.

Until next time, stay home and stay safe!

XO

Dilemma..?

Assalamualaikum..

Hey there, it's me again. I know it's been a while since I last wrote in here. Kinda feels like I've forgotten that I have a blog hehe.. Oh well, I'm about to rant about the things that's been on my mind lately. I think you can already guess what it's about though. But in case you don't know, well it's about this new crush of mine (if I can even call him that).

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Okay, here's the thing; I already confessed to that guy from my previous post. And as times passed by, he seems kinda interested in me too. But somehow lately, he gave off this uncertain vibe about this whole thing. Sure, we've talked about a lot of personal stuff and whatnot, but I don't know.. it's been months already and up until now, I'm still unsure as to what he really feels about me. He is often ambiguous and vague whenever this topic comes up for discussion. Me being me, obviously I'm very insecure about it. I mean, I am not getting any younger and I cannot afford to wait much longer. And that's one more thing, he didn't even give me any indication that he wants me to wait for him. So, what am I supposed to do now? I cannot read minds. He should be clear with what he expects of me. So now I'm in a dilemma..

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The funny thing was, he didn't even tell anyone about me. It's like I'm such a dark secret, someone that is not that worthy to be revealed. And I feel so stupid because I've told several trusted people about him, including my mother. Since he seems very determined to keep me in the dark, I will no longer share anything about him to anyone. Like, ever. Why would I want to keep talking about him when he will never do the same about me?

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I guess I should know when to stop and move on but it's easier said than done. So I think I should slowly but surely try and get away from him. For instance, stop messaging him and only contact him for super important stuff. No more trying to make this work when I'm the only one making the efforts all this while. 

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XO

A new crush?!

Assalamualaikum..

Hey there, how's it going? It's been ages since I last wrote a blog post. Been busy with work, procrastinating and most of the time feeling lazy to even do anything. So yeah, I guess you could say that I've become a very successful couch potato.

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Now, let's get down to business, shall we? Okay, here's the thing; I like this one guy from my office and no, he's not the same guy from before. Y'know, the one that I mentioned before in one of my previous posts. Go and scroll back, I ain't doing it for you. Ain't nobody got time for that.

Back to the guy; he really is different from the guys that I used to crush on. Meaning that, physically he's not what I usually look for in a guy. For starters, he is quite big in size, average height and way younger that me. I don't even know when it all started. All I know was that a couple of months ago, we both just started texting one another, sometimes the topic was work-related, sometimes not. Up until recently, today to be exact, he kinda gives me this green light (or rather a good respond), via text messages anyway since he's already on leave until New Year. To be honest, I feel very happy but confused at the same time. Must be because I've never experienced this sort of thing before, as I've never been in a real relationship with someone.

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It's not that I don't wanna be in a relationship, it's just that I haven't met the one yet. Whenever I like someone, I don't let him know until the feeling wore off at some point. And it mostly did. But somehow, I'm hoping this newfound feeling of mine towards my latest crush will last for as long as I would like it to be. Because this time around, I'm planning of confessing to him. But I will read the signs first and if the coast is clear, I will strike! However, I don't really hope for it to be a happy ending as I get the feeling that he might not feel the same way. Well, I'm not gonna lie and say that I'd be totally fine if it turns out that way but at least I will have closure on it. This time around, I am quite determined to brace myself and actually do it!

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XO