Expectations.

 Assalamualaikum…

Hello, it’s me again. I know I’ve said that I’d be updating my blog entries every 2-3 days a week but apparently I couldn’t keep up with it 😅 However, today’s post is not really about the updates on my crochet projects. Rather, it’s about wanting to pour my heart out. So please bear with me, okay?

Recently I’ve started chatting with this one foreign guy. Let’s call him Mr. R. I knew him from a chatting site that I sometimes frequent (yes, I like chatting with random strangers when the mood strikes). He was a bit different from other guys because he had never asked me about dirty, perverted stuff. He even respected the fact that I’m a Muslim (he’s Catholic but started learning earnestly about Islam, Alhamdulillah). He said that he was questioning about God’s existence when he was 17 and found that Islam is the only religion that seems to have all the answers to his questions.

I was impressed by his effort to learn more about Islam (hopefully it’s true). So we continued our conversations on another, more secured platform. To be honest, I was quite attracted to his personality shown from the way he’s talking to me. I felt really comfortable expressing my thoughts and feelings to him about anything, really.

However, he’s quite busy with studies and work to have a chat with me these past few days (he’s a fourth year law student, interning at one of a law firm in New Jersey). I totally understand that because that’s his priorities in life, even before he met me. But somehow I feel a bit sad since I really like talking to him, despite him being 9 years younger than I am 😱

Two days ago, he contacted me saying that he was so sorry for not being able to chat with me due to his very busy schedules. I was so happy to hear from him again and accidentally burst out saying exactly what I really felt at the time 😳 I thought he would slowly backed away in awkwardness but nooo, turns out he said he felt the same way about me.

I was like, wow this kind of thing never really happened to me before. It seemed too good to be true, and frankly I wished it was true. So we continued being open and honest about our feelings and stuff. But me being an emotional overthinker, there’s this nagging feeling saying that I should not be so blatantly honest with him. I mean, people can say and be whatever they want online.

So, I started having doubts about him a bit. I still send him messages and all but he hasn’t replied yet. But I left him long messages saying I was glad I met him, thanking him for being a good friend and all. Hopefully he will read them soon. It’s kinda sad if he turns out to be fake though. I mean, I felt good conversing with him and it felt like I can trust him.

Here’s hoping that he will reply back to me asap. I don’t want this good vibe between us to die because of a vicious lie being told by a perfect stranger. Oh well, guess I have to wait then 😐

XO